


illicit affairs (Stucky)

by ForeverMyQueen



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Secret Relationship, Songfic, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25794106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverMyQueen/pseuds/ForeverMyQueen
Summary: Steve and Bucky are together. Well, kind of. The thing is, it's a secret.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Songfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871260
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	illicit affairs (Stucky)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [illicit affairs](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/663988) by Taylor Swift. 



“Hey, Sam!” Steve called from the kitchen, pouring a glass of water. “I’m heading out for a run, okay? Don't wait up, I’ll probably be back after you get to bed.”

“Isn’t it a little late? I mean, it’s almost dark, and…” Sam emerged from his room. “Wait, why are you wearing a hoodie? You run hot, and it’s not snowing, so…”

“Just want to be prepared, you know me.” Steve smiled crookedly.

“Whatever, whatever, don't tell me anything, just don't get into trouble.” Sam waved Steve off and walked back towards the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

Steve nodded to himself and ducked out of the house, locking the door behind him and pulling his hood over his head. 

_ “Make sure nobody sees you leave; hood over your head, keep your eyes down.  _

_ Tell your friends you're out for a run. You’ll be flushed when you return.” _

  
  


Steve hurried down the street, turning a few corners and avoiding eye contact with the few people he saw out.  _ God, _ he was so far gone. Steve did his best to convince himself, every time he snuck out, that it would be the last time. Still, he always found himself on his way to another secret meetup, ever since their first night in The Plaza.

After several minutes of hurried glances behind his back, he came upon a mostly empty parking lot behind a 24-hour Walmart. 

A tall man with shoulder-length, brown hair and a black leather jacket climbed out of a blue car and raised a hand in greeting. “Hey, Stevie. How ya’ doin’?”

A grin broke over Steve’s face. “Better, now that I’ve got my best guy with me.” Steve closed the distance in a few moments and embraced the man, pulling him into a gentle kiss. “God, Buck, I missed you.”

_ Take the road less traveled by. Tell yourself you can always stop. _

_ What started in beautiful rooms ends in meetings in parking lots. _

  
  


Steve closed his eyes, pulling Bucky impossibly closer. The feeling of Bucky’s lips on his skin sent sparks along the edges of his vision. Steve’s hoodie fell to the floor of the backseat over Bucky’s dark red button-down. 

“Bucky,  _ Bucky, _ God,” Steve gasped out, helpless under Bucky’s hands. The dark-haired man licked over a dark purple bite and scraped his teeth over Steve’s throat.

“Remember when we first met?” Bucky whispered against Steve’s jaw. “You were staring at me from across the room at one of Stark’s godforsaken media events.”

A laugh bubbled up from Steve’s throat. “You kept giving me those doe eyes I love so much, and I couldn't help but come over and say hello.”

The remains of a soft smile lingered on both their faces, but Steve’s mind couldn’t help but wonder,  _ Where was that spark that had dissipated over the years? _

_ And that’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares. _

_ It’s born from just one single glance, but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times. _

  
  


Bucky tucked his new pine cologne behind a fake book in his bookcase. Even though he technically lived alone, Natasha and Clint spent enough time visiting with him that he would rather be safe than sorry. 

Between the two of them, they had a pretty good understanding of his time with Hydra. Natasha, having been raised by the KGB, was able to help Bucky a lot more than he had dared to hope.

Bucky hated keeping secrets from the two of them, but he would rather take the necessary precautions than explain the whole situation. He knew that being gay wasn’t such a big deal anymore, but it was hard to shake habits formed over almost a hundred years.

He would rather play ghost with a man he knew would always have his back than risk the wrath of his only friends.

_ Leave the perfume on the shelf that you picked out just for him, _

_ So you leave no trace behind, like you don’t even exist. _

  
  


Bucky thought back to the words Steve had whispered to him the first date they went on.  _ “I love you, so so much. I love your eyes, your smile, your hair.”  _ Steve had chuckled to himself, before murmuring,  _ “I want you forever.” _ And Bucky had floated on those words for a week and a half, until Steve murmured them to him again.

The next time, and the next, and the next, the words had sent a happy buzz through Bucky’s veins, sparkling under his skin. But as Bucky heard the words again and again, the buzz under his skin faded, and eventually they stopped having any effect. 

Bucky hated that he didn’t react the same way, but it was an expected side effect of being stuck as they were: a rumor, a ghost story, that could never really be real unless something changed.

_ Take the words for what they are: a dwindling mercurial high. _

_ A drug that only works the first few hundred times. _

  
  


Bucky licked along Steve’s jawline, relishing in the way the blond arched into his touch.

“Wait, Bucky, wait-”

Bucky sat up, letting Steve sit next to him and rearrange himself. “What’s wrong, Stevie?”

“When are you going to tell your friends about me?”

The question took Bucky completely by surprise. “Uhhh… what?”

Steve’s eyes opened wide, and Bucky even thought his lip trembled ever so slightly. “Are you ashamed of me? Of being with a man? Because I know Nat and Clint, they won’t judge you for anything.” 

“That’s not it, I just… I don't know. I want to-”

“ _ Bucky! _ I want to be a real part of your life. I want to be your boyfriend, I want to kiss you in public and take you to Tony’s stupid parties and everything!”

Bucky stared at Steve in amazement, before gently shaking his head. “I don’t know how. I want to, I swear, but I…”

_ And that's the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares. _

_ They show their truth one little time, but they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times. _

There was evident hurt in Steve’s eyes. “Bucky, I  _ love _ you. So fucking much, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you because you really are the light of my life. And I want to spend my life with you.”

_ And you wanna scream, don’t call me “kid,” don't call me “baby.” Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else. _

“Steve, I get it. I love you too. And I want to spend my life with you and wake up with you every morning and I know that I’m never going to feel this way again. I hate lying to my friends and I hate pretending I don’t love you but I don’t know what else to do.”

_ Don’t call me “kid,” don't call me “baby.” look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. _

Steve shook his head with a sigh. “Buck…” 

Bucky watched as Steve walked away from him, curling into himself to seem less conspicuous. And knowing that no matter what either of them said or didn’t say, they would both be back there the following night.

_ And you know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself a million little times. _

  
  
  
  



End file.
